


Welcome to the hellhole, enjoy your stay.

by Slytherinspider



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: And literally everyone, Bonquisha - Freeform, Fluff, Jasper lives au, Max deserves the best, Multi, Trans!Preston, and nikki, so does Harrison and Preston
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-20 17:17:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherinspider/pseuds/Slytherinspider
Summary: Beatrice Loveplay is used to the big city, Broadway, flashing lights. Definitely not this camp.When she sighed up to help an old friend in his time of need she wasn't expecting to leave the camp with two sons, a girlfriend and godchildren."There's a place I know that's tucked away; A place where you and I can stay, where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures everyday!I know it sounds hard to believe. But guys and gals it's true. Camp Campbell is the place for me and you!"





	1. Welcome to hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Bea is a new camp counsellor and an old friends of David's. The kids can't me too hard to manage. Right?

"Alright campers! We have a new camp counsellor today!" David said, perpetually happy as always, at the terrified faces of the campers he spoke again. "Now we need help and Gwen looked into their background! The new camper is good." The bus pulled up and an extremely tall woman in shorts, a baggy tshirt and flannel rolled up to her elbows stepped out, "thanks!" She called cheerily, waving at the quartermaster.

Preston took one look at her and screamed. The woman's blue hair bobbed as she looked over in shock, walking towards them. "Y-y-you're Beatrice Loveplay!" He said, wide eyes. This made David look over in slight shock as the woman grinned at him. "Yeah, but call me Bea. What's your name?" She said smiling kindly. "P-Preston Goodplay!" He squeaked out, staring at her. She smiled once more, ruffling his hair. "So you're here for theatre camp?" She asked, leaving a dazed Preston to nod. "This is Bea everyone, she's your new camp counsellor." She waved at them all, a yellow cloth was tied around her wrist similar to David's cloth around his neck. "Hey," she looked over at David and smirked. "Jasper told me you were looking for help." She explained, David's face lit up at the mention of Jasper.

A small kid in a blue hoodie looked over skeptically. "Who's Jasper? How do we know she's not going to try and kill us?! How do we know Jasper's not going to kill us." He asked, staring at David and then at Bea. "Well Max- you see- the thing is-" David stumbled over his words as his face grew red. "Jasper is my boyfriend," he said, kneeling down to Max's level. "I'm Jaspers best friend, bros before hoes." David rolled his eyes as she grinned. "Bea went to camp with me and Jasper." David explained, smiling up at Bea. "What camp did you go to?" A girl with purple streaks in her hair asked curiously. "Oh- my parents didn't sign me up for a camp." Max stared at her suddenly. "So I tried out all the camps. I hated every summer here. Except for the year I did extreme sports. That was fun-" David cut in, "until you broke your wrist and leg and three ribs." Bea grimaced, "right, until that. Then I found theatre and dancing and music and I was all set." She smiled, then frowned. "Until I went to spooky island and vowed to never step foot there again." She shuddered, "old people having weird kinky sex?" A boy at the back asked, Bea nodded and then raised an eyebrow. "You've been to spooky island? Wow braver than me." David looked around the group. "Where is everyone?" He asked, "there's only half of you." Bea counted them, "Preston, Ered, Max, Neil and Space kid." She guessed looking at them, Preston was still staring at her, "yep! You guessed it! Let's go find the others." Max said sarcastically, space kid and Preston each grabbed one hand guiding her forward, towards the mess hall.

* * *

Everyone followed, except Max and David. "D-David, I need to tell you something." David knelt down again, Max couldn't look at him. "M-my parents didn't sign me up for a camp. Like Bea." David put a hand on his shoulder, "thanks for telling me Max," David said gently, looking down at the young boy as he pulled something out of his pocket. "David they really don't care about me." David took the letter and read it through. He looked over the page at the boy. "What made you tell me now?" David asked softly, Max shrugged and kicked a rock. "Bea's parents didn't care about her enough right. So maybe I just thought if you knew- I might- I don't know-" Max sighed and kept his eyes trained down. "Do you need somewhere to go after camp?" He asked, Max shrugged. "Well if those papers are anything- yeah." David smiled. "How about me and Jasper take you in. I can get Jasper to come down here for a week so you can meet him and then that's it." Max smiled slightly and wrapped his arms around David's neck before breaking apart quickly. "You tell anyone and I'll kill you." David smiled and ruffled his hair. "Okay." Max glared at him, "I'm serious." David nodded.

* * *

The mess hall was in chaos, Bea looked around at the boy who was swinging around on the fan, the boy with the knife, two children fighting each other and another girl clinging to a woman she assumed was a camp counsellor. "HEY!" Bea yelled, grabbing the knife and turning the fan off. She separated the children and grabbed the girl attached to the woman. "Who the fuck are you?" The boy who she had taken the knife off asked, "I'm Bea, your new camp counsellor." Erred nodded at her. "She's cool." Ered declared, Bea smiled at her and looked around. "Holy shit-" she wrinkled her nose. "It still stinks." She said at them, smiling. Helping the counsellor up. "I'm Gwen." The woman said, dusting herself off. The woman looked up and her eyes widened. "Nice." Preston was almost bursting with excitement. Bea looked around at the chaos, "what the fuck happened in here?" She asked, Gwen shook her head. "I-I-it's a long story." She sighed, Bea smiled. "Well I'm glad no one was hurt," she said, eyeing the boy who had the knife before. She looked over Gwen discretely. "I'm Nikki. If Ered says your cool, then you're cool!" She said, nodding at the woman. 

David burst through the door, "good morning Gwen." He said, smiling joyfully. "Yeah, sure whatever." Gwen heaved out a sigh, "what are the activities for today?" She asked, David waved a sheet of paper. "Preston's day! He wants all of you campers to help!" Preston was bursting with excitement. "In fact Gwen, why don't you take the day off. Bea here was on Broadway and is an actress!" 

Let the rehearsals begin


	2. First day in hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonquisha makes an entrance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

They dragged Bea excitedly to the stage, a wooden theatre that looked as though it would collapse at any moment. "Woah, this hasn't changed at all." She muttered staring at the stage. Preston hurried himself by handing out scripts to select people. "You shall be my audience!" He declared, David looked at them and waved at them. "Why don't we go and do extreme sports for Ered?!" David asked, "I'm sure Bea can handle it here." Bea nodded and watched as David ushered them away. "First we must all read through the scripts, let's have a read through." Preston said, grinning wildly as he sat down next to Bea.

Bea flicked though the script, "this is really good," she said, reading slowly. Preston blushed slightly under the praise. Then they all set to work. For the entire day everyone rehearsed, ran through lines and toyed with sound effects. Bea helped Preston with the costumes and couldn't wait for the performance.

* * *

 

"Okay, campers. Quiet down, everyone, please." David said, trying to sound commanding over the babble. "Please," he tried again, "the theater demands your utmost respect and-" he was cut off by Gwen who held up a megaphone. "SHUT YOUR YAPS, IT'S TIME FOR THE PLAY!" Bea laughed as she watched her. "Ahem, thank you, Gwen." He said, making Bea laugh even more. "DON'T MENTION IT!" David winced and covered his ears as Bea smiled.

"Tonight's presentation is brought to you by theater camp's very own: Preston Goodplay!" There was a ripple of slight applause that didn't phase him at all. "Thank you, thank you. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you to tonight's production. Written and directed, of course, by me. It is a classic tale of forbidden love, betrayal, and friendship. So without further ado I present to you: Romeo and Juliet II: Love Resurrected!" He bowed and walked off stage, Bea was waiting in the wings cheering him on.

* * *

 

Mac tugged at his fake beard. "This is absolutely humiliating!" He cried in exasperation and Neil nodded. "What a waste of time!" He agreed, "I could be working on that flame-thrower right now!" Neil whined, rubbing the side of his head. "I hate being Juliet!" Nikki said, grabbing at her dress. "I wanna be someone cool, like Xena, or Rambo!" Max smirked at Neil. "You nervous about your big kiss scene?" He questioned as he elbowed him. Neil blushed a bright red and his his face in his hands. "Don't remind me! I'm already freaking out!"

Nikki let out a thoughtful sigh. "Y'know, Juliet should've done karate instead of kissing boys. HIYAH!" She yelled mimicking her thoughts. "Maybe she wouldn't have died then." Nikki shrugged as Max nodded. Bea and Preston walked past them, "hey any y'all seen my phone?" She asked, looking around. "I think I dropped it in the dress rehearsal." Max let out a cackle as she was out of ear shot. Pulling out a phone with a heathers case on it. "Is that Bea's phone?" Max nodded and whispered slightly. "Pipe down, I'm checking her... Oh my God, she has a Tinder account!" He declared grinning.

Nikki was confused. "Tinder? What's that?" she asked, watching Max as Neil panicked. "Oh, it's that dating app for losers who can't meet people in real life." He said, laughing slightly. "Ohh, yeah! My dad used that when my mom left him. Again." Nikki added sadly. "Guuyys, you're just adding to my anxiety! If you don't return the phone, I'm going to have a panic attack, and that's on you!" Neil said, pointing at them. Max ignored Neil's advice. "Oh man, she's got like seven pictures on her profile. Tch, can you say desperate?" As Preston came strolling over Max hid the phone. "Wizard! You're about to get your cue! I will not have you ruffians RUIN MY BIG DEBUT!" He yelled before shoving Max to the stage. "Now get!"

* * *

Space Kid was delivering his lines. "I'm afraid we have no other choice. We must turn to..." Space kid waited, "pause," he mumbled, "... Black magic!" There was a puff of smoke and Max walked on stage. "Yo, did someone say black magic?" Preston slapped his face and groaned. "Amateurs!" Bea smiled at him and ruffled his hair supportively. "Ahh, mighty wizard! Please revive our daughter, who died so foolishly." Max: What's in it for me?" Bea glared at Max from off stage. "Ummuh, that's not your line." Space kid whispered. "Yeah, I'm just messin'. Okay! One revived daughter, comin' right up. Latinus speakitus revivedeadjuliettus." Bea smirked as Max shoved his hands back in his pockets. "Man, who wrote this?" Nikki leapt up out of her 'coffin' and yelled "I'm baaaaack!"

"What are you doing?" Neil asked, looking over Max's shoulder. Changing Beatrice's Tinder profile, of course. Hey, how do you spell conquistador?" Bea stood off to the side when she heard a voice over to her side, "Tabii. He literally called us cunts last time he saw us..." Frowning slightly she turned to see two girls wearing flower scouts uniforms. "Whatever. I know he wants my bod. I'm gonna make that kissing scene so hot, it'll be rated TV Y 7. He will be mine!" The shorter one cackled menacingly and she shivered. "'Scuse me girls, who are you?" She asked, moving towards them. The one with luminous orange hair smiled sickeningly. "Sasha from the flower scouts ma'am, we heard about the play and like, were really like excited!" Bea nodded unconvinced. "I'm Bea the new camp counsellor, shouldn't you be in the audience?" Sasha gasped, grabbing Tabii and nodded. "Like, thanks!" She said.

Dolph was now stood on the stage. "At long last, mein creation is complete! Be reborn!" Bea had to give him kudos for his acting. Neil started talking in a robot voice. "Systems startup. Installing Windows update." She let out a small chuckle as he said that, not noticing Prestons eyes practically becoming stars. "Yes! Rise! Rise und be reborn, Robo-Romeo!"

"The breath of life is returned to me. Pray tell, Friar Lawrence, where is my Juliet?" Bea had to also give Neil kudos for his spot on robot impression. "It appears, my son, in her sorrow, she killed herself." Dolph said, not acting sadly at all. Neil stepped forward and yelled, "no!" Dramatically. "Ugh. Why is he so sweaty? Robots can't sweat. THIS ISN'T CANON!" Bea smiled sympathetically trying not to laugh. "You're doing great, Nurf." Preston added.

* * *

 

"Oh hello, Bonquisha. Yes, I will swipe right."

* * *

"I am now machine but my heart still makes me human. And my sweet Juliet is no more. Why should I be brought back to such miserable conditions?" Neil said, the girl from before stepped on the stage confusing the hell out of Bea. "Fret not, Robo-Romeo." Neil looked just as shocked as her. "Uhh. Tabii? With two I's?" He asked, sweating even more. "No, yon fool. I'm Juliet, your one true love. Doth you not remember? I am no spectre. I have been revived!" She was pretty good but where was Nikki. "I don't know who this bitch is, but she is killing it! Ah!" Bea ruffled Prestons hair and went to look for Nikki, only hearing snippets of the speech. "Oh, Robo-Romeo, soon the evil empire will be upon us and you'll have to fight to save the galaxy. Let us kiss one last time."

There was an array of noises that were pure disgust and some the opposite, "before you possibly die in the battle."

"Yes! Yes!"

"Who the hell is this hoe?" That was a new voice. "Wait, who- who are you?" There was an angry shuffle and a, "don't you "who are you" me, Beatrice. You call yourself a conquistador? I thought we had meaningful texts. I told you my age, sex, and location." Did she say Beatrice? Someone had to sit op this. "Uh, excuse me? Who's this?" That was Tabii with two i's. "Well, Beatrice, explain yourself." Definitely Bea. "I'm not Bea!" Bea walked round to the stage. "He's my Romeo! You best step off before I rip that weave off your head." Bumping into Preston. "Oh, you wanna go, little girl?" The two started fighting and Bea rushed to the scene as Gwen yelled. "Whoo! You go girl!

"Oh man, this is going better than I could have hoped!" Max laughed. "You! You did this! You little rat!" Preston yelled, "well. Of course I did. Your play's stupid, Preston." Preston deflated and Max felt bad instantly. "Max! What is this?" David asked, finally on the stage. "Oh hey David! Uh, found Bea's phone!" Except he didn't.

* * *

"I'm not sure how this could get any worse."

* * *

Two agents stepped out of a car suddenly and glared at everyone explaining something about searches and trying to arrest Bea. "The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career, like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted." Preston yelled. "Wait. I can fix this. Everyone stop." Max said as Neil was still passed out on the floor. "Bonquisha, I'm sorry. You were texting me all along. I took Bea's phone just to mess with her. I led you on." Bonquisha glared at him. "Oh, nobody plays Bonquisha like that." She declared as Bea looked at Max. "Kick his ass!" Gwen yelled making Bea smile. "Max, shame on you. Our apologies, ma'am." David said as Bea nodded. "What about me? Where's my apology?" Max stared at the girl. "I'm gonna be honest. I'm not sure who you are." Max shrugged, Bea rolled her eyes. "Well, the kid apologized. I'd say he learned a lesson." One of the agents said, the other nodded. "Affirmative." They dropped Bea and turned to David. "You in charge here?" The second one asked, David rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, kinda?" Bea tuned ur for most of the next bit and only started to pay attention when the curtain was drawn.

"Attention, fellow campers. I would just like to apologize for the sheer absurdness that you've witnessed. Please, be kind as you judge this play, and if you happen to be from Rotten Tomatoes, please rate Fresh! Thank you!" Bea clapped as the rest of the crowd booed. "No, please! I was setting up a trilogy!" He sounded desperate and even Max felt a small amount of pity. "Well, that all worked out!" He said, David frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "You have got some serious explaining to do!" David pressed, Max shrugged. "I stole Bea's phone and identity and played with women's hearts. What do you need explained?" Max said, Bea nodded and smiled slightly. "Excuse me, sugar. You owe Bonquisha a date." Bea stared at her shocked, "I uh what?" Bea shook her head. "Nuh-uh, somebody's going out with Bonquisha one way or another." She hoisted Bea over her shoulder. "I thought the play was great!" She called, giving Preston a large thumbs up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos please!


	3. Its not too bad.

Bea let Gwen have the afternoon off when David went into town and rounded up the campers. "So what do you guys want to?" She asked, sitting down with a smile and doing a head count. "Let's ask each other questions about ourselves we'll start with you Beatrice," Nurf said, "oh okay, what questions did you want to ask?" She said, regretting it instantly. "How did the outing with Bonquisha go?" Nurf asked seriously. Bea grinned. "It went well and I have a girlfriend now."' The campers looked at each other with wide grins.

"Can you actually sing?" Harrison asked innocently, Peston almost made a squawking noise. "Well I'd hope so," Bea shrugged, "what class are you?” Bea shrugged again, "I've never played," she said, "what was your favourite role?" Preston asked with stars in his eyes, "well, I loved Veronica, Alana understudy was fun, the lesbian that lives next door, Mary, Elphaba and next I'm playing Eliza in Hamilton so that's going to be amazing." She replied smiling. Ered flipped her hair, "like, what extreme sports did you do?" Bea thought about it, "skateboarding, bungee jumping, scuba diving, the like." Dolph tugged on her sleeve, "can you sing now?" Bea shrugged, "I could bang out a tune, do you guys have any instruments?" Preston jumped up, "I'll be back!" He called, already running off. Bea chuckled and looked around at the others, "any more questions?" Max huffed, "what instruments do you play?" He asked, he seemed nonchalant but Bea could tell he was interested. "Ukulele, guitar, piano, violin, trumpet and drums,"

Nikki grinned, "you ever hung upside down that all the blood rushes to your head?" Bea laughed and nodded. Preson came back pulling a trunk with instruments, he opened it and showed Bea the instruments, Bea plucked out a ukulele and started playing,

"I've learned to slam on the brake Before I even turn the key Before I make the mistake Before I lead with the worst of me Give them no reason to stare No slipping up if you slip away So I got nothing to share No, I got nothing to say Step out, step out of the sun If you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun Because you've learned, because you've learned.

On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass I'm waving through a window

I try to speak, but nobody can hear. So I wait around for an answer to appear. While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass I'm waving through a window, oh Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?

We start with stars in our eyes We start believing that we belong But every sun doesn't rise And no one tells you where you went wrong Step out, step out of the sun If you keep getting burned Step out, step out of the sun Because you've learned, because you've learned.

On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass Waving through a window I try to speak, but nobody can hear So I wait around for an answer to appear While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass Waving through a window, oh Can anybody see, is anybody waving?

When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? When you're falling in a forest and there's nobody around Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? Did I even make a sound? It's like I never made a sound Will I ever make a sound? On the outside, always looking in Will I ever be more than I've always been? 'Cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass Waving through a window I try to speak, but nobody can hear So I wait around for an answer to appear While I'm watch, watch, watching people pass Waving through a window, oh Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me? Is anybody waving? Waving, waving..."

Bea finished and everyone was staring at her clapping even Max, Gwen had come outside at some point, smiling. Preston looked giddy, he grinned and Bea laughed, "I love that song." She said, "could you teach the brats music?" Gwen asked fondly, Bea smiled up at her and nodded. "Sure, do any of you play instruments already?" Max raised his hand slightly, ignoring everyone else's stares, "I play violin," he said, Bea nodded and routed around the trunk, "there's no violins, so can I get you to play electric guitar?" Max shrugged, "whatever I guess." Bea smirked at him and passed him one. "Alright, let's get started."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m.youtube.com/watch?v=-bWqDjLjM6M Is the cover I imagined Bea singing.

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy and comment advice or constructive criticism!


End file.
